Mom: Alright Timmy, here’s your lunch. Now, what aren’t we going to do at school today?
Timmy: No biting.
Mom: That’s right, no biting your friends at school today.
Timmy: Yes mommy.
Mom: Okay, you show the third grade who’s boss. And remember you need to go to the dentist after school. Aunt Sally will take you.
Timmy: Aww, mom, I hate the dentist, he’s a creep-freak.
Mom: Dr. Gammers? He’s the kindest man in Oregon. Don’t worry my little Tim Tim, it’s just a checkup. Now scoot or you’ll miss the bus.
(In the lobby at the dentist’s office)
Aunt Sally: You wait here Timmy, your Aunt Sally is going to walk over to the video store.
Timmy: Okay Aunt Sally. You sure have been going to the video store a lot lately.
Aunt Sally (Blurting out in a raised voice): Well, your Uncle Dick isn’t coming back anytime soon, so…..(lowers her voice)just wait here, sweetheart. (Pats Timmy on the head and walks out.)
Hygienist: Timothy Austin. Timothy. Austin.
Timmy (anxiously raises his hand): Here.
Hygenist: Come on in Timmy, Dr. Gammers will see you in just a minute.
(Timmy, laying back in dentist chair, when Dr. Gammers enters the room)
Dr. Gammers: Timberly, how’s the biz? What are you in high school now?
Timmy: Third grade Dr. Gammers. And my name is Timmy. I don’t like Timberly.
Dr. Gammers: Okay Timberly, I’m sorry. How are your parents?
Timmy: They’re going away until Sunday, so I’m staying with my Aunt Sally. She’s at the video store.
Dr. Gammers: Well we both know she isn’t there for the romantic comedies.
Timmy: Huh?
Dr. Gammers: Porn, Timberly. Your Aunt Sally loves hard porn. It ruined her marriage. (Timmy looks sad and confused) Now lay back so old Doc Gammers can get a look at those pearly whiteys. (Opens Timmy’s mouth with his mirror and scraper) What the fuck is going on here, Timmy? This is bullshit. Let’s see, a little plaque over here, some tartar on number 7. Oh look one, two, three cavities. Ding ding ding. We have a neglectful child. And Susan tells us what he’s won.
Hygenist: He’s only eight, Jean.
Dr. Gammers: Brrrnnnahh! Wrong Susan. He’s won the mouth of a middle aged Scottish man. Congratulations, Timmy. You have the teeth of an asshole child.
Timmy (eyes watering): I’m sorry Doc, I flossed like you told me to.
Dr. Gammers: You’ve been flossing? With what, stripper thongs?
Timmy (starting to whimper): I don’t know, but I have.
Dr. Gammers: Well Timberly, you’ve just added liar to the list of things that I hate about you.
Timmy: Why are you so mean?
Dr. Gammers: Mean? I’m not mean. I’m a dentist. I have a responsibility to your teeth.
Timmy: But I’m trying.
Dr. Gammers: You see that plaque on the door Timmy? (Timmy nods his head) You see those degrees on the wall? The awards and certificates that line my hallway? (Nods again) Do they say, Timberly the jerk boy? (Timmy shakes his head) No, they read Dr. Jean Gammers. And from the moment you walk in that door your teeth belong to me. And you are fucking with my teeth, Timmy.
Timmy: I’m sorry, I’ll do better.
Dr. Gammers: Yeah, you will. Because if you don’t, your parents are going to die.
Timmy: What?
Dr. Gammers: That’s right. I’m putting the dentist’s curse on you Timberly. If you don’t floss every night, your parents will die.
Timmy: No, they will not.
Dr. Gammers: Go ahead Timmy, test the curse, see if I care.
(Timmy gets up from the chair and bolts out of the office)
Dr. Gammers: God damn that boy can run.
(Aunt Sally’s apartment, phone is ringing)
Aunt Sally: Hello.
Dr. Gammers: Hi Aunt Sally, this is Dr. Gammers, how are you this evening?
Aunt Sally: I’m fine, just watching a movie.
Dr. Gammers: Oh, sounds pleasing. Aunt Sally, can I talk to Timothy please.
Sally: Um, I guess. You know, its kind of late Doctor, he’s already in bed I think.
Dr. Gammers: It’s quite important Aunt Sally. Please.
Sally: Hold on a second. Timmy, phone.
Timmy: Hello, this is Timmy.
Dr. Gammers: Timberly, Dr. Jean Gammers here. Were you under the impression that I was
prone to tomfoolery.
Timmy: Um.
Dr. Gammers: Did you think I was kidding about the curse? Do I seem like a man who engages in such japery?
Timmy: I don’t know what you’re saying.
Dr. Gammers: You didn’t floss tonight, did you Timberly?
Timmy: I was going to, but-
Dr. Gammers: But what? But, but, it doesn’t matter now, because there was a plane crash. A horrible plane crash Timberly, and I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but, your parents are dead.
(Timmy drops the phone and darts out of the apartment, down the street to his front yard, where he hops on his bike. Through the streets he rides, all night. Past his school, onto the highway, into the city. Through downtown Seattle and numerous shady neighborhoods, he peddles. He peddles until he reaches the airport. Once there, he rushes inside and scream-cries out for help.)
Timmy: Where are my mom and dad? Where?
Security guard (approaches Timmy, while talking on his cell phone): I’ve got it, he’s here, gotta go. (hangs up) Are you lost little man?
Timmy: My parents, they were in a plane crash.
Guard: Oh, that’s terrible. Here, take this. (Hands Timmy a pack of dental floss)
Timmy: No. My parents-
Guard: If I were you, I’d use that from now on.
(Timmy runs into the public restroom, where he begins to floss vigorously. He runs the floss as hard as he possibly can, back and forth along his gums. The intense floss is too much and Timmy passes out.)
(Timmy wakes up in a haze on a hospital bed, his parents and Dr. Gammers hover over him.)
Mom: Timmy, sweetheart.
Dad: Hey there pal.
Dr. Gammers: Congratulations, Timmy. You passed our test.
Timmy: Mom? Dad? You’re alive? (They nod, smiling in assent) Your with Doc Gammers? No. No. No. (Timmy jumps off his bed and out of the room, screaming.)
Dr. Gammers: Look at that boy go. Mr. and Mrs. Austin. Carol, Steve. Have you met Timmy’s gym teacher, Mr. Davis? I think I know of a way we can get Timmy to use that speed.
(The all laugh, insanely)
The End
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