The Adventures of Mark Twain Turning Over in His Grave, Again.

Cowardly school boards and satirically-challenged parents rejoice! The banning of Huck Finn discussions are still going on in America. An edition has recently been released in which the word, “nigger”, is replaced with “slave”, in both Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. Holy Shit.

Mark Twain wrote a masterpiece that not only influenced all American writing in its wake; his work is just as powerful and morally applicable today as it was back then. He confronted racism with a satirical approach, and if teachers have trouble teaching it, too bad. If they are uncomfortable, oh well. Can’t be any harder than teaching a 15 year old meth-head Chaucer. Old English and tweaking usually are not a great combination. “Billy’s licking the Wife of Bath again.” Better yet, if your kid comes home crying about the language in the book (probably won’t happen) or he/she doesn’t get it, then employ your fucking parenting skills and make them understand what they are reading is a reflection of America’s history; of its reality in that time.

For crying out loud. Why are parents always so annoyed about having to be parents? “What am I supposed to tell my kid when he asks about Jimmy Duncan’s two mommies?”. I don’t know, explain it to them. Be their parent. Your children are so much more accepting of people, of differences, of alternate paths of thinking than you are. That’s why little kids clap when they see giant purple dinosaurs or humans in colorful worm suits. I think they’ll be alright with two guys kissing. Maybe they should explain racism and bigotry to you.

Our kids can handle Huck Finn. Trust me. It’s you, overbearing parent. It's you, religious right secret masturbating zealot. It's you, spineless school board member, clutching your well paying job. You’re the people with the problem. Stop projecting your own fears and ignorance onto your children. And if you don’t get Huck Finn? First off, stop breeding. You are not very bright, and the world begs you to stop bringing dumb children into it. Second, take your current children to their grandparents for a year or so, and dedicate your time to learning some basic literary concepts. Its only fair that if you are going to object to a word or sentence or book, you should, at the very least, make an effort to understand exactly what you are objecting to. Oh, and get bent.