Two guys standing next to each other at a party. Sam and Julie’s engagement party!
Greg: Hey.
Craig: Hey.
Greg: How’s it going?
Craig: Good, good, I’m Craig.
Greg: Hey Craig. Greg. Man, these thing sure are a drag, huh?
Craig: Tell me about it, I’ve been waiting for my wife to give me the signal to leave for the last hour. I’m missing Sunday Night Football for this?
Greg: Yeah, sports, I love watching sports Craig.
Craig: Okay, cool, well it was nice to meet-
Greg: Put your finger up my butt.
Craig: Ha. That’s funny, well I think my girl is-
Greg: Go ahead, put your finger up my butt.
Craig: Are you serious?
Greg: I’ve never been more serious in my life. Put your finger in my butt.
Craig: I’m not putting my finger up your butt.
Greg: Come on, man.
Craig: No, what’s in it for you? What could possibly be in it for me?
Greg: Ever done it?
Craig: I’m not gay.
Greg: Gay? Whose gay? Just slide it up there.
Craig: Who the fuck are you anyway? Who do you know here?
Greg: I’m Karen’s friend.
Craig: Who is Karen?
Greg: She’s that one, over there.
Craig: Aren’t you the guy who-
Greg: Used to be friends with Emilio Estevez? Guilty.
Craig (confused look on his face)
Greg: So, Craig, let’s get this show on the road.
Craig: Listen man, I’m not putting my finger up your butt.
Greg: Look, I’ve got a hole in the back of my pants. Go ahead.
Craig: Holy shit. Buddy, I’m not really into this weird freakin’-
Greg: There’s a hole cut out in my underwear too.
Craig: I don’t know why I’m still standing here.
Greg: Maybe you’re intrigued.
Craig: Not that I'm even considering it, but we are surrounded by a bunch of people.
Greg: Come on, camper, get it up.
Craig: You don't even know who I am. Why me?
Greg: Stick it up, stick up, stick up, bee bup. Stick....it....up.
Craig: What is wrong with you?
Greg: Do it now, no one is looking.
Craig (pausing in thought): Say I do it. Then what?
Greg: You ever open a door into another universe?
Craig: No.
Greg: Well, put your finger up my butt.
Craig: But my wife-
Greg: Put it up there Craiger, jam it buddy, do it.
(Craig, looking around, quickly stuffs his index finger up Greg’s butt)
Greg: What the fuck! I was just fucking around man. Hey, everyone, look. This guy jammed his finger up my ass. Karen, do you know this guy? Sam? Julie?
Craig: He told me....you said....no, I just-
Craig’s wife, Stephanie: Craig, what are you doing? What is wrong with you?
Julie: I told you about him, Stephanie. What a freak.
The crowd: You creep! Take off! Pervert!
Karen: Are you okay, Greg?
Greg: I’m fine, lets go. (The party starts to disperse, with apologies to Sam and
Julie. Greg leans over and whispers to Craig) Thank you.
Craig: No. No. I’m not like this. Sweetheart? Stephanie? No! No, no no. I didn't even want to come to this party. Any one of you would have done the same. Maybe I liked it.....
Mercifully, The End.
Never happened.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Craig